You have an opportunity to participate in a leadership development program or work 1-1 with a coach. Terrific. Maybe a peer or trusted colleague went through it and recommends it. Perhaps someone from HR or more senior leadership says you should do it. Or perhaps it’s the thing to do when you reach a certain tier or level. If your peers or those more senior than you are doing it, why not?
While being open to coaching and development is fabulous, signing up without clear expectations of what’s expected of you is a setup for failure. You’ve got to give (time, energy, effort) in order to get (results). So be clear on what’s expected. Lack of clarity, alignment and commitment is a waste. It wastes time, money, and energy both for you, for your peers who may be on the journey with you as well as for your coach or L&D facilitators and guides.
Here’s what happens when alignment and commitment isn’t there.
1) The participant is not really there. Sure their body may be there, but there’s an air of resignation. They are either half-heartedly attending or have bailed entirely. They make excuses for why things aren’t working. For example, “Oh, this didn’t work because we couldn’t meet in person.” They sit back and watch rather than speak up. They are unwilling to be vulnerable and share their challenges or frustrations. They fail to take responsibility for these challenges. They show up late, they leave early, or their screen is off.
2) The participant struggles with new concepts, is confused or frustrated. They start blaming. They discount the presenter, the coach, the material, or the circumstance. But what’s really going on is that they are bumping up against their own blocks, patterns and habits. They didn’t anticipate the challenges that would surface when they rolled up their sleeves to try new things. It’s common for anyone in any learning experience to hit a wall, feel stupid or frustrated. None of that is a problem. The only issue is a person’s unwillingness to try new things, to be curious and open rather than resistant to change.
3) The participant is overwhelmed. Exhaustion and stress - particularly during the pandemic and now - is not to be underestimated. People are stressed out, overwhelmed and can’t handle one more item on their plate. Period. So they drop out. On the one hand, it’s good for them to figure out that they are stressed. Good for them to start saying no to anything that isn’t of the highest priority. That said, it’s hard to quit something once you’ve started. It doesn’t feel good (for yourself). So if you can resist adding one more thing to your plate beforehand and instead buckle down on self-care and your priorities it will be easier to create white space and revisit down the road.
For your sake, for the sake of those investing in you, as well as peers who might be in a program along with you, ask yourself these 3 critical questions before you sign up or say yes to any coaching or corporate L&D program:
1) Nothing changes until you do. Are you willing to change you?
Though it’s far easier to blame others for what’s not going well, playing the blame game is the fastest way to sabotage yourself and the fruits of any great learning experience. As soon as you point a finger at someone else you become a victim. You give your power away to them and disempower yourself. This may sound harsh, but no victims, no whining, no complaining. If something isn’t working for you, challenge it. Speak up. Lean in. Crank up your courage and be vulnerable and real. Consider that wherever you go, there you are. And since you’re the only constant, it’s YOU and not them who needs to change.
2) Change takes effort. Are you willing to
a. be uncomfortable,
b. not know it all,
c. get curious and
d. experiment?
Learning and development is an active process. There are no spectators. You have to get out on the field and do it. Trying something new means you will inevitably be uncomfortable at times. You’ll need to be a beginner in things you’ve never done before. That means letting go of a need to be right, to do what’s right or have all the answers.
To be able to grow means you have to put your guard down, stop being the expert and start getting curious. If something doesn’t make sense, it’s stopping and saying “Wait, I’m confused by this.” or “Could you explain what you mean by…?” Coaching and development is experiential learning. Which means you experiment. You have to try something new and see what happens. For more on this, check out Carol Dweck’s book Mindset to get yourself primed for a learning and growth mindset.
3) Change takes time. Do you have the time? Will you make the time?
There are no quick fixes. No hacks. No short-cuts. At least none that are going to stand the test of time. Being a better leader is an investment. To maximize on your investment, make sure you have time. You’ll need to take time out from your regular work day both for the program itself as well as time for new practices, self-reflection and ongoing experiments. These experiments are where you try out what you’re learning in conversations and in your interactions with others. If you don’t have time or are constantly busy, buckle down and do some serious time management. Once you clarify your priorities and align your time with those priorities it will be much easier to extract the benefits of your work. If you revisit coaching or that L&D program after you’ve created space for it you’ll double or triple your return on the investment.
I generally would not recommend starting a leadership program in the middle of a major life event…be it a birth, death, wedding, divorce or move. There are exceptions, of course, but generally any of these naturally take massive amounts of time and energy. And when you go through them you have far less capacity for other things. That’s normal. Adding something else just increases stress which defeats the purpose. Do what you need to do to increase support (self-care, sleep, therapy) and decrease what’s on your plate.