I just watched the movie Avatar again last weekend. It is probably my favorite movie of all time. It speaks to me on so many levels. One of the most powerful phrases used in this movie is “I see you.” It is used in the tribe of the Na'vi to convey unity between two souls.
In sanskrit, the greeting Namaste holds the same essence.
Namasté represents the idea that all are one. It affirms that beneath the outer trappings that make you appear different from others, you are made of the same stuff. You are more the same than you are different. - The Chopra Center
In 2014 Oprah spoke to graduate students a Stanford sharing her journey and her thoughts on life-path and leadership. Watch this sometime. It’s an hour so perhaps watch as an alternative to the latest binge-worthy TV series, or after you watch Avatar again. There are numerous insights in Oprah’s words, but I’ll focus on one for now. She describes how across the range of everyone she has ever interviewed from movie stars to presidents at the end of the interview when they walk off stage the question they ask is always the same: “How’d it go?” Translation: Did I do okay? Oprah concludes that everyone, no matter how successful, wants to be seen. They want to know that who they are - their being - is enough. The message for all of us as leaders and compassionate human beings is to give that gift of seeing another. It’s the gift you give when you are still, listening without any agenda, fully present. Listening as to put yourself in their shoes, feel their struggle, their strife. Not needing to fix it or solve it, but just being there with them. It’s from that place of stillness and presence that you can honestly say, “I see you.”
Oprah demonstrates this in real time while onstage for this talk. She shows her ability to see others in the way she compliments Amanda, her interviewer. She offers words like, “That is such a great question,” and “You must have been up all night,” referring to the rigor and mental processing Amanda did beforehand. In silicon valley, imposter syndrome runs rampant. Am I good enough? and more specifically, am I smart enough? This question trembles silently and is stored deep under the pressures felt by those drawn to it’s heat, like moths to a flame. Oprah gives Amanda a gift by staying present, by answering the questions that are asked as well as those that aren’t asked (at least not verbally), but heard because she was still enough to hear them.
So what’s the takeaway? What action might we distill from this? (Sigh) Does it always have to be about action? If yes, and you can’t help yourself either, here’s what I’ve got for you:
1. Cultivate your capacity to be still enough to listen. Set aside what you have to say and be open to what someone else needs to share. Listen fully. It’s not just the compassionate thing to do, it’s how trust begins to take root.
2. Name what you see in another. Recognize the contributions they are making, how they impress you. Not in a grandious way, just literally im-press, as if they’ve made an imprint.
3. Remember (over and over again, because it’s easy to forget). It is a gift to be known: to be seen, to be heard. Perhaps the greatest gift of our time.