How to Be that Zen Calm Leader - Be Proactive

Image by Evan Sharboneau

I often hear leaders say - how can I be more Zen in my leadership?

One assumption we often make is to assume there’s a magic switch that we can turn on or off. “I’m not centered. Yikes!” Flip a switch…”Now I’m centered.” As lovely as that would be, it’s unrealistic for two reasons. One, it’s never as black and white as that and there are variations in how present or centered we are. And two, if you’re trying to be more Zen - more calm, more clear and more centered - when that challenging moment is upon you, it’s already too late.

A lot of what happens in the moment can be anticipated in advance.

One way to cultivate more Zen in your leadership is to be proactive and strategic – know your self, know your triggers

Being proactive, stepping back and getting perspective - these three things can dramatically reduce spikes in your cortisol levels and help you be less frazzled in the moment.

Most people are not only busy, but they also confuse busy with productive. Habitual busyness often leads to lack of planning, poor choices and poor judgement. Cultivating presence is a conscious, strategic step that increases clarity. If you are always busy, frenetically busy, start saying no to anything that does not align with your key goals. Trim the fat in your calendar. Be ruthless. Polite and kind, yes, but ruthless about your focus and where your energy is to be aimed. Having better boundaries and saying no to things at both at work and at home is essential.  What percentage of time do you spend thinking strategically? How might you increase this by 1-5% each week? If you could get more done in less time it would be worth it, wouldn’t it?

Once you’ve made time for reflection, think back to the situations, events or people that typically cause you to lose your center. Triggers come, seemingly out of the blue, but even these follow patterns. Look for and become aware of your patterns.

It’s easy to become anxious or unbalanced when:
a. We’re in unfamiliar situations, people, places, events (people really underestimate how quickly and easily this happens).
When was the last time you were in a situation you’d never been in before?
What was new about it? How did you respond to this unfamiliar or uncertain condition?
What worked? What didn't?
What would you do differently if it happened again?

b. There’s a lack of trust – relationships that don’t have strong trust or conflicting styles and viewpoints.
When have you had to work closely with someone you didn’t trust or like?
What made it so difficult for you?
How did you find common ground? How did you consciously or unconsciously connect with that person? What worked? What didn’t?
What would you do differently if you were to work with them (or someone like them) in the future?

c. There are threats to your status, beliefs, sense of self
This takes a lot of self-awareness – definitely advanced work. (and it’s also linked to trust above)

When have you worked with someone who had a lot of power over you who was threatening in some way? When have long-held beliefs and your identity been challenged?
What went through your mind? How did you feel?
What was your body’s reaction? What enabled you to stay present?
What would you do differently if faced with the same (or similar) situation in the future?

d. Seasonal or project-based stressors are occurring – holiday season, back to school time, before or after time off, preparing for board meetings, an offsite, end-of-quarter, etc.

For some, back to school season or the holidays create an underlying build-up of stress.
For others it can even be more subtle, like the anniversary of the death of a loved one. Any or all of these can cause you to be off center without fully realizing it.
What seasons and stages in work or life are most stressful for you?
How do you know that you are off? What are the signs and signals that you are stressed?
When have you navigated some of these seasonal stressors with the most grace and ease?
How did you do it? Who or what helped to reduce the pressure and stress?
What could you do differently when faced with a particular seasonal stressor in the future?

e. Daily (“healthy”) routines that get disrupted.
We do our best to sleep well, eat well, exercise, etc…but what happens when we don’t and we can’t and we simply aren’t in control? What happens when even the very rituals that help sustain you are thrown off? I write this on a day that the power went out and I was dropped from a virtual meeting I was facilitating.
For a parent – the baby sleeps or doesn’t sleep. Or an aging parent or family member is needs unexpected care.
What happens when unknown or uncontrollable factors upset our continuum? This is when centering practice is most essential.
When was a time that you handled uncontrollable disruption well?
What were the factors that contributed to this? What might have been helpful that you didn’t do?
How will you know when it’s time to use that helpful thing in the future?

f. Unhealthy routines
Which of your regular routines may be hindering rather than helping your ability to be both awake and relaxed?
Do you check the news the moment you wake up – reading about the latest disaster and then start your entire day on your back foot rather than from center?  What daily habits help you stay present and calm? What daily habits take you away from center? What is one daily habit you might shift? How will you shift it? What could support you in making that shift? What might get in the way?  

Cultivating Zen in your leadership takes practice. It also entails being proactive, anticipating stressors in advance and maintaining perspective.
We invite you to pause…step back from life for a moment and take a conscious breath. Just doing that, right here, right now, is being more Zen in your leadership.

How to Reduce Anxiety with Breathing - Short and Long Term Solutions

Photo by Bartochette on Unsplash

We're often told to breathe to reduce stress but did you know?…

How you breathe can either help or hinder your progress. The nervous system is soothed by one type of breath - a breath that is low and slow - and agitated by a different type of breath - breath that is fast, shallow and high in the ribcage.

When you feel anxious the breath naturally speeds up and it typically rises up in the chest. Prolonged anxiety can create a physical pattern of tightness in the ribcage as the body repeats this shallow breathing. Shallow anxiety breath becomes the norm. And as shallow breathing increases so does the anxiety.

It’s a chicken and egg scenario:
You feel anxious and therefore the breath is shallow OR
the breath is shallow and therefore you feel anxious. 

 In either case, shallow breathing does not help.

To reduce anxiety in the short term and for instant stress relief, breathe slowly and lower in your abdomen. You can use a simple 4-count breath or just practice exhaling for longer than you normally would.

To take this a step further, deliberately pay attention to the weight of your body on your chair. Allow yourself to relax more into your chair as you breathe. You can use gravity and the sensation of relaxing down as a practice whenever you notice self-doubt or the inner critic popping up. Since the breath moves upward with anxiety, consciously drawing your attention downward helps counter the pattern.

For immediate and short-term relief for anxiety, remember: breathe low and slow.

If you find yourself feeling continually anxious for no apparent reason or if you find that your anxiety level does not match the severity of the incident that triggered it, you’ll greatly benefit from a more permanent and long-term solution. To gain long-term relief you need to change the mechanics of how you breathe and you do this by undoing the pattern of contraction in the body.

The body is pliable. Our life experiences shape us. When we brace ourselves for conflict or a challenging event our body is doing something. It is tightening or bracing. If a pattern repeats itself long enough, we become hard wired. This happens with our neurons and it happens with the fabric of our body.

Different healing modalities work with the body and can release these reactive patterns that have hardened the body over time. Working with a somatic (body) based practitioner can help.

In the case of anxiety, Chi Nei Tsang is a modality that can be especially powerful. Chi Nei Tsang helps undo the pattern of tension that is held in the belly and rib cage. Over the course of several years of receiving Chi Nei Tsang the tight anxiety breath pattern can unravel. When the rib cage is no longer restricted the diaphragm can move more freely and expansively. With more room to move, the breath can flow lower in the abdomen and it expands the ribcage in all directions (front, back, and both sides). With this type of breathing the body is telling the brain "you are safe” and “all is well.”

What's Your Keystone Habit?

Keystone habits, a term coined by Charles Duhigg (author of The Power of Habit), are habits that automatically lead to multiple positive behaviors and positive effects in your life. When you anchor your day or your week with such a habit, it becomes the keystone that has a ripple effect into your activities and behaviors.

 “Keystone habits say that success doesn’t depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on identifying a few key priorities and fashioning them into powerful levers.” Charles Duhigg

Colleagues sometimes perceived Sven* as threatening. His direct, no-nonsense communication style made him a powerful and productive asset to the sales organization. Due to the global nature of his team, he’d be on calls as early as 6am and again at 8 or 9pm after a full days work. He prided himself on working hard, but his personal life suffered and he internalized much of his stress. Before coaching began he already implemented healthy changes to his diet but it wasn’t enough to prevent the sharper interactions he had with peers and even a direct confrontation with his boss. Over the course of our coaching engagement, Sven experimented with changes to his day, both by saying no to added meetings and engagements – like volunteer boards. But the real change occurred when he resumed swimming on a daily basis. Even if it was just 20 minutes, starting his day this way made all the difference. He had more energy, could think clearly, became better at prioritizing and he even slept better at night. At times when he was on the road for work, he’d stop swimming and immediately his stress levels rose. So honing in on exercise no-matter-what was essential as a keystone.

In time Sven was able to keep his calm under stress. His ability to listen more deeply and empathize with others increased. A key turning point was during a high stakes sales implementation. The tech team felt demoralized and bullied by the sales groups who promised the world without having to shoulder the intricacies of building it out. Sven focused on becoming an ally for the tech team, naming the issues, ensuring voices were heard and then became arbiter for a solution that worked for the customer, sales and tech teams. Because he was no longer under-water himself - well, at least now only intentionally - he had a sense of humor and had time to think through meaningful ways to connect and appreciate others. He was proactive rather than reactive and this allowed his sincerity and thoughtfulness to shine through. In the final days of implementation he gave chocolate to each member of the tech team with a hand written note saying thank you. His victory was felt by his immediate teams and was also noticed by the most senior leaders of the company who tapped him for even bigger and exciting projects. He was promoted a few months later.

*In any case study, names are changed for client confidentiality.

Regulate before you react

Ever wish you could rewind your reaction? Here’s why breathing is such a big deal.

For all who wish to be more proactive and less reactive:

Share this with anyone who experiences stress or anyone who is doing something for the first time.