How to Be that Zen Calm Leader - Be Proactive

Image by Evan Sharboneau

I often hear leaders say - how can I be more Zen in my leadership?

One assumption we often make is to assume there’s a magic switch that we can turn on or off. “I’m not centered. Yikes!” Flip a switch…”Now I’m centered.” As lovely as that would be, it’s unrealistic for two reasons. One, it’s never as black and white as that and there are variations in how present or centered we are. And two, if you’re trying to be more Zen - more calm, more clear and more centered - when that challenging moment is upon you, it’s already too late.

A lot of what happens in the moment can be anticipated in advance.

One way to cultivate more Zen in your leadership is to be proactive and strategic – know your self, know your triggers

Being proactive, stepping back and getting perspective - these three things can dramatically reduce spikes in your cortisol levels and help you be less frazzled in the moment.

Most people are not only busy, but they also confuse busy with productive. Habitual busyness often leads to lack of planning, poor choices and poor judgement. Cultivating presence is a conscious, strategic step that increases clarity. If you are always busy, frenetically busy, start saying no to anything that does not align with your key goals. Trim the fat in your calendar. Be ruthless. Polite and kind, yes, but ruthless about your focus and where your energy is to be aimed. Having better boundaries and saying no to things at both at work and at home is essential.  What percentage of time do you spend thinking strategically? How might you increase this by 1-5% each week? If you could get more done in less time it would be worth it, wouldn’t it?

Once you’ve made time for reflection, think back to the situations, events or people that typically cause you to lose your center. Triggers come, seemingly out of the blue, but even these follow patterns. Look for and become aware of your patterns.

It’s easy to become anxious or unbalanced when:
a. We’re in unfamiliar situations, people, places, events (people really underestimate how quickly and easily this happens).
When was the last time you were in a situation you’d never been in before?
What was new about it? How did you respond to this unfamiliar or uncertain condition?
What worked? What didn't?
What would you do differently if it happened again?

b. There’s a lack of trust – relationships that don’t have strong trust or conflicting styles and viewpoints.
When have you had to work closely with someone you didn’t trust or like?
What made it so difficult for you?
How did you find common ground? How did you consciously or unconsciously connect with that person? What worked? What didn’t?
What would you do differently if you were to work with them (or someone like them) in the future?

c. There are threats to your status, beliefs, sense of self
This takes a lot of self-awareness – definitely advanced work. (and it’s also linked to trust above)

When have you worked with someone who had a lot of power over you who was threatening in some way? When have long-held beliefs and your identity been challenged?
What went through your mind? How did you feel?
What was your body’s reaction? What enabled you to stay present?
What would you do differently if faced with the same (or similar) situation in the future?

d. Seasonal or project-based stressors are occurring – holiday season, back to school time, before or after time off, preparing for board meetings, an offsite, end-of-quarter, etc.

For some, back to school season or the holidays create an underlying build-up of stress.
For others it can even be more subtle, like the anniversary of the death of a loved one. Any or all of these can cause you to be off center without fully realizing it.
What seasons and stages in work or life are most stressful for you?
How do you know that you are off? What are the signs and signals that you are stressed?
When have you navigated some of these seasonal stressors with the most grace and ease?
How did you do it? Who or what helped to reduce the pressure and stress?
What could you do differently when faced with a particular seasonal stressor in the future?

e. Daily (“healthy”) routines that get disrupted.
We do our best to sleep well, eat well, exercise, etc…but what happens when we don’t and we can’t and we simply aren’t in control? What happens when even the very rituals that help sustain you are thrown off? I write this on a day that the power went out and I was dropped from a virtual meeting I was facilitating.
For a parent – the baby sleeps or doesn’t sleep. Or an aging parent or family member is needs unexpected care.
What happens when unknown or uncontrollable factors upset our continuum? This is when centering practice is most essential.
When was a time that you handled uncontrollable disruption well?
What were the factors that contributed to this? What might have been helpful that you didn’t do?
How will you know when it’s time to use that helpful thing in the future?

f. Unhealthy routines
Which of your regular routines may be hindering rather than helping your ability to be both awake and relaxed?
Do you check the news the moment you wake up – reading about the latest disaster and then start your entire day on your back foot rather than from center?  What daily habits help you stay present and calm? What daily habits take you away from center? What is one daily habit you might shift? How will you shift it? What could support you in making that shift? What might get in the way?  

Cultivating Zen in your leadership takes practice. It also entails being proactive, anticipating stressors in advance and maintaining perspective.
We invite you to pause…step back from life for a moment and take a conscious breath. Just doing that, right here, right now, is being more Zen in your leadership.

3 Critical Ways Leaders Increase and Access Alignment

Why Access Alignment, you ask? Aside from a love of alliteration, and a penchant for un-sexy brand names, I chose this name because it felt big enough to encapsulate three of the most important things we do:

1. Leading Purposefully: access alignment with your values
We continually witness and I’ve personally experienced how powerful it is to align purpose with path. When leaders align their values with their everyday actions:
- Everything falls into place.
- There is flow.
- Work can be done with greater ease, fulfillment and enjoyment.
- It’s not so heavy, burdensome or tiring.
- Impact multiplies.

2. Leading Fully as a Whole Person: access alignment with all parts of yourself
We know about IQ. We’re increasingly familiar with EQ and how this is essential for leading well. Very few understand or utilize SQ. In fact, what the heck is SQ?
SQ = soma (body) quotient. This is not even standard nomenclature yet but you’ve likely heard others touch on this untapped super power. Amy Cuddy, PhD taught us Power Poses. Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD explains how The Body Keeps the Score. And I learned from a decade of training in ZenBodytherapy® that our physical alignment - how we sit, stand and move - dramatically impacts how we think and feel. So increasing alignment physically and tapping into the brilliance of your body is something particularly potent. When you attune to all parts of yourself - head, heart and body:
- You connect more deeply with yourself, with others and the world around you.
- You increase empathy.
- You increase your capacity to be inclusive with others.
- It’s easier to create psychological safety.
- You know how to increase your own sense of safety in a world mired with triggers and trauma.
- You open doors and opportunities for yourself and for others.

3. Leading with Impact and Leverage: access alignment with others
When you’ve increased alignment within yourself, gaining alignment with others is a much easier, organic process. It’s far easier to craft a vision and embody it such that others are naturally drawn to it.
When you’ve done the groundwork of #1 and 2 above:
- You’re naturally more curious, humble, open and able to make adjustments or corrections when needed.
- You gain traction and influence.
- Generating or accessing alignment in your teams and in groups is easier and even exhilarating.
- Teamwork, collaboration, innovation, efficiency, and productivity soars.

The World Needs...

More Enlightened Leaders

Who are highly self-aware,

Striving for wholeness ~ Body, Heart, Mind and Spirit

Aligning their purpose with their path

Increasing and accessing their capacity to be with… [complexity, challenge, the unknown]

And doing the courageous inner work that is reflected in all that they touch.  

Being able to interrupt themselves, their programming, their beliefs, their habits…this is the work of an enlightened leader.

Coaches point out the patterns - the blindspots, the loops, those habits that no longer serve.
We provide the architecture and tools for transformation. 

When coaching is received, the client cleans outdated programs and clears pathways, unlocking new options, new possibilities.

Our purpose is to serve YOU, the catalysts, and in doing so, we serve the whole system.

And increase light, love and expansion for humankind.

Before You Work with a Coach or Join a Leadership Program - 3 Questions to Ask Yourself

You have an opportunity to participate in a leadership development program or work 1-1 with a coach. Terrific. Maybe a peer or trusted colleague went through it and recommends it. Perhaps someone from HR or more senior leadership says you should do it. Or perhaps it’s the thing to do when you reach a certain tier or level. If your peers or those more senior than you are doing it, why not?

While being open to coaching and development is fabulous, signing up without clear expectations of what’s expected of you is a setup for failure. You’ve got to give (time, energy, effort) in order to get (results). So be clear on what’s expected. Lack of clarity, alignment and commitment is a waste. It wastes time, money, and energy both for you, for your peers who may be on the journey with you as well as for your coach or L&D facilitators and guides.

Here’s what happens when alignment and commitment isn’t there.
1) The participant is not really there. Sure their body may be there, but there’s an air of resignation. They are either half-heartedly attending or have bailed entirely. They make excuses for why things aren’t working. For example, “Oh, this didn’t work because we couldn’t meet in person.” They sit back and watch rather than speak up. They are unwilling to be vulnerable and share their challenges or frustrations. They fail to take responsibility for these challenges. They show up late, they leave early, or their screen is off.

2) The participant struggles with new concepts, is confused or frustrated. They start blaming. They discount the presenter, the coach, the material, or the circumstance. But what’s really going on is that they are bumping up against their own blocks, patterns and habits. They didn’t anticipate the challenges that would surface when they rolled up their sleeves to try new things. It’s common for anyone in any learning experience to hit a wall, feel stupid or frustrated. None of that is a problem. The only issue is a person’s unwillingness to try new things, to be curious and open rather than resistant to change.

3) The participant is overwhelmed. Exhaustion and stress - particularly during the pandemic and now - is not to be underestimated. People are stressed out, overwhelmed and can’t handle one more item on their plate. Period. So they drop out. On the one hand, it’s good for them to figure out that they are stressed. Good for them to start saying no to anything that isn’t of the highest priority. That said, it’s hard to quit something once you’ve started. It doesn’t feel good (for yourself). So if you can resist adding one more thing to your plate beforehand and instead buckle down on self-care and your priorities it will be easier to create white space and revisit down the road.

For your sake, for the sake of those investing in you, as well as peers who might be in a program along with you, ask yourself these 3 critical questions before you sign up or say yes to any coaching or corporate L&D program:

1) Nothing changes until you do. Are you willing to change you?
Though it’s far easier to blame others for what’s not going well, playing the blame game is the fastest way to sabotage yourself and the fruits of any great learning experience. As soon as you point a finger at someone else you become a victim. You give your power away to them and disempower yourself. This may sound harsh, but no victims, no whining, no complaining. If something isn’t working for you, challenge it. Speak up. Lean in. Crank up your courage and be vulnerable and real. Consider that wherever you go, there you are. And since you’re the only constant, it’s YOU and not them who needs to change.

2) Change takes effort. Are you willing to
a. be uncomfortable,
b. not know it all,
c. get curious and
d. experiment?
Learning and development is an active process. There are no spectators. You have to get out on the field and do it. Trying something new means you will inevitably be uncomfortable at times. You’ll need to be a beginner in things you’ve never done before. That means letting go of a need to be right, to do what’s right or have all the answers.

To be able to grow means you have to put your guard down, stop being the expert and start getting curious. If something doesn’t make sense, it’s stopping and saying “Wait, I’m confused by this.” or “Could you explain what you mean by…?” Coaching and development is experiential learning. Which means you experiment. You have to try something new and see what happens. For more on this, check out Carol Dweck’s book Mindset to get yourself primed for a learning and growth mindset.

3) Change takes time. Do you have the time? Will you make the time?
There are no quick fixes. No hacks. No short-cuts. At least none that are going to stand the test of time. Being a better leader is an investment. To maximize on your investment, make sure you have time. You’ll need to take time out from your regular work day both for the program itself as well as time for new practices, self-reflection and ongoing experiments. These experiments are where you try out what you’re learning in conversations and in your interactions with others. If you don’t have time or are constantly busy, buckle down and do some serious time management. Once you clarify your priorities and align your time with those priorities it will be much easier to extract the benefits of your work. If you revisit coaching or that L&D program after you’ve created space for it you’ll double or triple your return on the investment.

I generally would not recommend starting a leadership program in the middle of a major life event…be it a birth, death, wedding, divorce or move. There are exceptions, of course, but generally any of these naturally take massive amounts of time and energy. And when you go through them you have far less capacity for other things. That’s normal. Adding something else just increases stress which defeats the purpose. Do what you need to do to increase support (self-care, sleep, therapy) and decrease what’s on your plate.

How to Reduce Anxiety with Breathing - Short and Long Term Solutions

Photo by Bartochette on Unsplash

We're often told to breathe to reduce stress but did you know?…

How you breathe can either help or hinder your progress. The nervous system is soothed by one type of breath - a breath that is low and slow - and agitated by a different type of breath - breath that is fast, shallow and high in the ribcage.

When you feel anxious the breath naturally speeds up and it typically rises up in the chest. Prolonged anxiety can create a physical pattern of tightness in the ribcage as the body repeats this shallow breathing. Shallow anxiety breath becomes the norm. And as shallow breathing increases so does the anxiety.

It’s a chicken and egg scenario:
You feel anxious and therefore the breath is shallow OR
the breath is shallow and therefore you feel anxious. 

 In either case, shallow breathing does not help.

To reduce anxiety in the short term and for instant stress relief, breathe slowly and lower in your abdomen. You can use a simple 4-count breath or just practice exhaling for longer than you normally would.

To take this a step further, deliberately pay attention to the weight of your body on your chair. Allow yourself to relax more into your chair as you breathe. You can use gravity and the sensation of relaxing down as a practice whenever you notice self-doubt or the inner critic popping up. Since the breath moves upward with anxiety, consciously drawing your attention downward helps counter the pattern.

For immediate and short-term relief for anxiety, remember: breathe low and slow.

If you find yourself feeling continually anxious for no apparent reason or if you find that your anxiety level does not match the severity of the incident that triggered it, you’ll greatly benefit from a more permanent and long-term solution. To gain long-term relief you need to change the mechanics of how you breathe and you do this by undoing the pattern of contraction in the body.

The body is pliable. Our life experiences shape us. When we brace ourselves for conflict or a challenging event our body is doing something. It is tightening or bracing. If a pattern repeats itself long enough, we become hard wired. This happens with our neurons and it happens with the fabric of our body.

Different healing modalities work with the body and can release these reactive patterns that have hardened the body over time. Working with a somatic (body) based practitioner can help.

In the case of anxiety, Chi Nei Tsang is a modality that can be especially powerful. Chi Nei Tsang helps undo the pattern of tension that is held in the belly and rib cage. Over the course of several years of receiving Chi Nei Tsang the tight anxiety breath pattern can unravel. When the rib cage is no longer restricted the diaphragm can move more freely and expansively. With more room to move, the breath can flow lower in the abdomen and it expands the ribcage in all directions (front, back, and both sides). With this type of breathing the body is telling the brain "you are safe” and “all is well.”

Begin Again

Photo by Luis Alfonso Orellana

I love this prompt. I first heard it from Claire Alexander at a 5 Rhythms Improv Dance class. As we moved to the music, and found ourselves repeating a pattern over and over we could just stop. And begin. Again.

In dance this process is visible and obvious. I feel the music. My body moves to the beat. Let’s say I’m making a circle with my right arm and a boom, tap with my foot. I might keep that pattern going for a while, as long as the music keeps playing that pattern. Maybe the shapes I make with my body will evolve into something else. Maybe the circle becomes a figure eight and the foot tap becomes a bigger knee bend foot stomp.  Maybe I keep that going and it’s fun and feels good. Maybe I keep that going and am bored with it but don’t know what else to do.

Begin again, as a prompt gives me permission to just stop. To not have to have a pattern at all. Begin again means I don’t care if the music keeps going I can start again from scratch. I pause. I watch. I wonder: what new thing will emerge now?

How often do we keep doing something just because we forget that we can begin again? 

Begin again is the invitation to stop being a hamster on a wheel.
It’s the antidote to going nowhere fast.
Sometimes we keep doing something because we think we should or we think we have to. Is that true?
What if you don’t have to scrap everything, you can just stop. Listen. Feel the rhythm and see what happens next.

The New Year is an obvious time to begin again. But I invite you to use this prompt to interrupt yourself at any time. In fact, you might want to remember this prompt a few weeks from now. Perhaps it’s a moment of self-doubt. Or perhaps you’re in the middle of a difficult conversation. What if you gave yourself (or someone else) permission to stop? Take a breath. And begin again.

How to begin again
At any time (particularly when you feel stuck or not in the flow)

Allow yourself to stop what you’re doing.
If it’s during a conversation, you might say, “Do you mind if we pause for a moment?” (they’ll likely appreciate this, particularly if you are butting heads or spinning your wheels)

Get really still. More still.
And listen.

Feel your breath move in and out.
Feel the rhythm, the beating of your heart.  

What does the rhythm need now?
How does it move you?

As leaders it’s easy to fall into a pattern of reacting and responding to whatever comes our way, particularly in times of stress. Begin again cultivates the space to stop briefly and resume from a more conscious, deliberate place.

Gain Wisdom and Perspective by Shifting Gears

As we prepare to bid farewell to 2020, several clients have told me they desperately need a digital detox. Others crave variety, any variety, because staying at home and doing the same thing day after day is what they’ve been doing all year long. Clients continually say how profound it is to pause and reflect more about themselves, their work and their life.

If you were to pause right now and reflect, what do you need?

Why Shifting Gears is Powerful
Shifting gears provides the torque
And the power
To accelerate when the time is right

Most of my clients are over-achievers who habitually move faster by shifting to higher and higher gears. The real benefit comes from shifting down, not up. If you’ve been on overdrive, here are some ideas. Which one grabs you?

do anything you normally do, just do it slower
take a nap

be quiet or still
listen more, talk less

lean back, ever-so-slightly

be unavailable
reflect

feel what you're feeling
ponder not knowing

stop something
begin again

soften your gaze

Word of the wise: Don’t enter into this practice trying to find some grand insight or figure something out. To do so would be counter to this endeavor. Think of it like going from zoom focus on the camera and now panning out to get a much wider view. Allow yourself to linger with questions and not have answers yet. If an ah-ha comes, great. But the real purpose is to experience a change of pace. Nothing else.

What's Your Keystone Habit?

Keystone habits, a term coined by Charles Duhigg (author of The Power of Habit), are habits that automatically lead to multiple positive behaviors and positive effects in your life. When you anchor your day or your week with such a habit, it becomes the keystone that has a ripple effect into your activities and behaviors.

 “Keystone habits say that success doesn’t depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on identifying a few key priorities and fashioning them into powerful levers.” Charles Duhigg

Colleagues sometimes perceived Sven* as threatening. His direct, no-nonsense communication style made him a powerful and productive asset to the sales organization. Due to the global nature of his team, he’d be on calls as early as 6am and again at 8 or 9pm after a full days work. He prided himself on working hard, but his personal life suffered and he internalized much of his stress. Before coaching began he already implemented healthy changes to his diet but it wasn’t enough to prevent the sharper interactions he had with peers and even a direct confrontation with his boss. Over the course of our coaching engagement, Sven experimented with changes to his day, both by saying no to added meetings and engagements – like volunteer boards. But the real change occurred when he resumed swimming on a daily basis. Even if it was just 20 minutes, starting his day this way made all the difference. He had more energy, could think clearly, became better at prioritizing and he even slept better at night. At times when he was on the road for work, he’d stop swimming and immediately his stress levels rose. So honing in on exercise no-matter-what was essential as a keystone.

In time Sven was able to keep his calm under stress. His ability to listen more deeply and empathize with others increased. A key turning point was during a high stakes sales implementation. The tech team felt demoralized and bullied by the sales groups who promised the world without having to shoulder the intricacies of building it out. Sven focused on becoming an ally for the tech team, naming the issues, ensuring voices were heard and then became arbiter for a solution that worked for the customer, sales and tech teams. Because he was no longer under-water himself - well, at least now only intentionally - he had a sense of humor and had time to think through meaningful ways to connect and appreciate others. He was proactive rather than reactive and this allowed his sincerity and thoughtfulness to shine through. In the final days of implementation he gave chocolate to each member of the tech team with a hand written note saying thank you. His victory was felt by his immediate teams and was also noticed by the most senior leaders of the company who tapped him for even bigger and exciting projects. He was promoted a few months later.

*In any case study, names are changed for client confidentiality.

Lead from the Heart

“In this great turning we shall learn to lead in love,” song lyrics, We Shall Be Known, Mamuse

Photo by Omer Salom

Most of the time we lead with our heads...solving problems, fixing things. But to lead others the heart is far more powerful. It's an art.

When it comes to matters of the heart, listening is required. Take a listen now. Lyrics quoted above. A gift someone shared with me and now I share with you. An invitation to your heart and the wisdom, strength and beauty it holds. 

If you are feeling tapped out and tired...lean into your heart. Drop all that busy thinking energy down, down to the center of your chest. Take a deep breath. You are the gift. It's in your heart. Lead from the tender unwavering strength of that place. The heart knows.

Why you should get centered (with your team) at the start of a meeting

Have you heard the phrase or perhaps said it yourself - we’ve got to go slow to go fast?

Here’s one of my favorite ways to do just that. When I lead or facilitate a group coaching session, before we dive into the content of our session, we often start with a 3-minute guided self-awareness practice. Are you cringing? I was. Initially, anyway. Risky, right? Particularly with my most senior level sales leaders who had not dabbled in meditation. But when I tested the waters with them I was shocked with both the results and the response.

They became really quiet. And still.

Then they said: “Can we do that at the start of all of our calls?”

It was also surprising how much doing this helped me, even as leader of the call. I may have done my best to be present before getting on a call, but if the group was anxious or stressed, I would start feeling anxious too. I probably underestimated how much performativity was a factor. Whenever we really really want to do a good job - the body revs with stress hormones naturally even if we aren’t aware or attuned to it. Doing an awareness practice together helps everyone slow down, arrive, and let go of all the prior conversations, meetings and tasks.

I deliberately bring my clients attention to their body and their breath because I’ve found this to be the fastest way to help them (and me) settle the nervous system. It’s how we get “back online” out of anxiety or stress patterns. [For more background on how the brain and body react to uncertainty check out this short video]

Clients have not only asked for this, they’ve also emulated it at the start of their own meetings. They report the following results:

• less fear and uncertainty

• team is more engaged, connected

• more intelligent and productive meetings

• more collaboration and participation from everyone

• we feel more relaxed, happier, flexible, fluid, creative

Intrigued and curious about this topic? Here’s a bit more on why presence matters and what one client taught me about the power of being still.

ps…
You don’t have to be a yoga teacher or meditation guru in order to guide the group. I’ve created a 3-minute script you can use. Easy peasy. Contact me if you’d like a copy.